What am I supposed to do?

I keep asking myself what am I supposed to do?

I can't keep it straight anymore.

My head says one thing, but my stupid heart....is going to kill me.

So "D" has been in my thoughts a lot lately.

I went to see him and shouldn't have.

It is hard for me to admit when I care about someone. I cared about "D" so much when we first started dating, that I didn't know to pace myself.  Pace myself, what the hell does that mean. Well I learned, and it was the hard way.

I think that is why it takes me so long to trust people.  He ripped my trust out and ground it into the ground right in front of me.  He could have at least done it behind my back, I don't think that it would have hurt so much....maybe or maybe not????

Thinking about this, and talking to my BF Leash...I know what I have to do.

I will lose yet again...

I told him tonight that I could only be friends with him because he is married.  I don't and will not do that.  I refuse to break up a home.

He tells me that he is having so many problems and that he is looking for a way out.  He is not in love anymore, hasn't been for a long time.  Please don't leave him, he needs me.  He needs me because I make him laugh, make him happy.  He loves the smile that I give him just because it is him that I am looking at.  He grabs my arm...Please Richona, don't take this away from me...I'm begging.

I have to leave...before I cry.

I love him...but I will never tell him

I miss him...but I will never tell him