To wrap up another year...where does it all go???

I haven't posted for awhile, so I have lots to say...get over it and read on.

In a little less than 1 week, another year will come to an end. Not sure how or where it went, but all I can do is just itch my head and be thankful that I made it through another year.

As I think over this past year, I just shake my head and wonder to myself why we do the things that we do. I must admit, that not all my endeavors were bad, some I wish I had never done or wish the outcome had turned out differently; But in all honesty, this year, they were all mainly great times spent with wonderful people whom I love with all my heart. The best thing that we could have done was invented "Girls card night".

2009 was the year for trying new things and meeting new people. Met many people, some who I have come to call great friends, but most were people who made a small appearances, not large enough to matter much but slight enough to remember.

There is always that one person who we meet in life that can heal our hearts, our minds and gives us our lives back.

I sometimes wish that person was still in my life. I let my guard down and actually felt as though things might have been different. It must have been the snow and that friggin hat. I fell for him the second that I saw him, and our conversation had been one of the best I had had in a long time. We just walked and talked; walked and talked about nothing at all while stomping around in the snow. And while our conversations stopped meaning anything to you, and I knew that I was becoming your last resort, I will miss your face and your smile. I miss your long passionate blood boiling kisses and the strength of your hands. Most of all, I just miss you.

Whatever.....moving on now.....

Work was great to me this year, as I am still employed and have no fears of loosing my security. Half way through the year I started working with a Dr again. Where as I told myself that I was done working with Dr's, this has to be one of the better moves that I have done in awhile...GO ME!! She makes the day enjoyable, and when you work in HC, you need as much enjoyment during the day that you can get.

My family is well.

My brother just graduated from school, and is now an RT. He worked hard and it shows. He got offered a job before school was over and now is ready to start his new career. Made me very proud of him!

My dad is well. I wish that I knew more, but he has his own life. Being an adult is sometimes hard, because we get so busy and wrapped up in our own lives, we tend to neglect the things that matter the most. I miss my dad. I miss seeing him all the time, talking to him all the time. Us not seeing each other is not all his fault, I do take the blame as much as I push it out. I just wish things had turned out differently. I just want him to be happy and it breaks my heart that I don't know if he is or not.

My other brother...I have no clue. I hope that the decisions that he makes in his life are good ones, and that he is happy. That is all I care about. That and he knows how much I love him.

The rest of my family...I have no clue. I will not try to be apart of peoples lives who do not try to be apart of mine. I hate the lying and the fakeness of trying to fit in a place that I do not belong, or am wanted. My true family stayed with me after my mom died. The rest of the "family" went on their own way. Not the way a family is supposed to act, but that is what they did...and it was their choice.

My friends...what can I say....they are the greatest bunch of people who I have ever met. I do not need to name names as they know who they are. They kept me sane throughout the year and made me hold my head up high when all I felt like was giving up. They are brave enough to tell me to get my shit together and pull my head out of my ass. They tell me that I am loved and that I belong to them. They make me feel as though I am part of the family, and constantly show me that it is ok to love and show it. From them, I have had a secret crush for about 4 years..and even though I know that it will never go anywhere, that is perfectly fine with me. Just knowing that there is one person that I am secretly in love with shows that yes, I am not broken and I can still do it.

I HAVE THE GREATEST FRIENDS IS THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!

What does 2010 have in store for me? I have no idea. I cannot possibly think of what could happen, but I do know that even though I do not make resolutions, there will be certain changes that I make. Personally, financially and emotionally. However, no matter what I do, it will be out of love for myself and everyone that is close in my bubble.

I hope this New Year brings better things to people in the world. My hope is that people see the good in each other and try to be a little nicer, help a little more and stop all the hatred they hold for each other.

BRING ON 2O1O, I THINK THAT WE ARE READY

And I will be posting more in this New Year.